Thursday, May 31, 2007
i am boring
reading other people's blogs make me feel so......inexperienced. i feel like i need to be out there doing more things, experiencing life more. i feel like i must be the most boring person in the whole wide world and everyone else is having more fun than i am. this feeling sucks.i need to stop comparing my life with other peoples' lives.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
good news, bad news
some things have happened since i last posted and i just felt like sharing. hehehe.
well, i am officially a proud holder of a US license! finally, may state-issued license/ID na ako. no more strange looks from people when they see what ID i have. since i came back kasi i've been using my RP license as ID kaya people keep on asking me stuff. aside from that i won't have to worry about driving even to kinda far places kasi i have a license here na.
syempre if i have a license na dapat may car na din diba? kaya yes, i have a car na! it's not brand new or anything but that's fine by me. as long as i can get to places in one piece, i am great. it's a white '96 saturn (i think). it's pretty old but it works great and it was fairly cheap (thanks tyns and tita rose!) so i have no complaints.
the next news is supposed to be good too but for me it's not really a good news. i got promoted. i get to handle older kids, 3- 3 1/2 year olds now. i get a raise with the promotion too. but the thing, these kids- they are MONSTERS. don't get me wrong, they are very cute kids and they can be nice if they want to but when there are 20+ of them in one room- forget it, they ARE monsters. everyone of the teachers in our school never want to go in that room just because of that and now they want me to be the lead teacher in that room??!! i appreciate the vote of confidence, believe me. but still! i just got adjusted to my room now, finally. and i like my parents and i think they like me too and now they are moving me out of there already?! how am i supposed to handle 20+ kids when i sometimes find it overwhelming to handle 9 toddlers?! hay. i could a raise though. it better be a good one because i feel like they are sending me to the depths of- basta yun, you know what i mean. i don't want to make it sound as difficult as i know it's going to be.
so guys, that's what's been happening lately. hopefully everything turns out to be good. pray for me, ok?
well, i am officially a proud holder of a US license! finally, may state-issued license/ID na ako. no more strange looks from people when they see what ID i have. since i came back kasi i've been using my RP license as ID kaya people keep on asking me stuff. aside from that i won't have to worry about driving even to kinda far places kasi i have a license here na.
syempre if i have a license na dapat may car na din diba? kaya yes, i have a car na! it's not brand new or anything but that's fine by me. as long as i can get to places in one piece, i am great. it's a white '96 saturn (i think). it's pretty old but it works great and it was fairly cheap (thanks tyns and tita rose!) so i have no complaints.
the next news is supposed to be good too but for me it's not really a good news. i got promoted. i get to handle older kids, 3- 3 1/2 year olds now. i get a raise with the promotion too. but the thing, these kids- they are MONSTERS. don't get me wrong, they are very cute kids and they can be nice if they want to but when there are 20+ of them in one room- forget it, they ARE monsters. everyone of the teachers in our school never want to go in that room just because of that and now they want me to be the lead teacher in that room??!! i appreciate the vote of confidence, believe me. but still! i just got adjusted to my room now, finally. and i like my parents and i think they like me too and now they are moving me out of there already?! how am i supposed to handle 20+ kids when i sometimes find it overwhelming to handle 9 toddlers?! hay. i could a raise though. it better be a good one because i feel like they are sending me to the depths of- basta yun, you know what i mean. i don't want to make it sound as difficult as i know it's going to be.
so guys, that's what's been happening lately. hopefully everything turns out to be good. pray for me, ok?
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Sunday, May 13, 2007
down with love
i am tired of people talking about sex all the time. you might be wondering who are these people always talking about sex, well, they are me co-teachers. all day that's what they talk about. i mean come on! we're working around kids tapos it's all they they talk about. seriously, sobrang na-pollute na yung utak since i started going back to work. if they're not talking about sex, they're talking about their boyfriends. not a day goes by that i won't hear them say "i want to see my boyfriend". aaahhh! they're driving me crazy!
it seems like everyone around me is so crazy in love, it's not even funny anymore! maybe it's just been so long since i was in love that i've forgotten how it feels like already. i've forgotten how crazy people in love can be. love makes you do things that never in a million years you could do- be it bad or good. it makes you lose your head sometimes. i heard somebody say that love is hard and difficult, and it kills you sometimes- but it is wonderful. but i've forgotten how it feels like and it makes me scared that i might never feel that way again. it's weird that i see myself as a romantic and yet i'm loveles. it's like the world is playing a trick with me.
and i am not amused.
have i gotten so used to being alone that i'll never let anybody in again? or haven't i just met the right person yet?maybe i'm destined to be alone and i just have to start accepting that fact. i don't know what to think anymore because it's just been so long since i've met anyone who i could even entertain the possibility of having a relationship with that it's making me think crazy thoughts. i'm not looking for love or anything, you know. i am actually ok with my current non-entity of a love life but it just worries me sometimes that i might never meet that someone that i want to be with forever. i do want to have a husband and kids in the future and for that to happen i should meet the potential husband and father of my children (preferably 2) or even know that person by now, right? or am i?
i should really leave these kind of things up to God because thinking about it just makes my brain more confused and mixed up than it already is.
it seems like everyone around me is so crazy in love, it's not even funny anymore! maybe it's just been so long since i was in love that i've forgotten how it feels like already. i've forgotten how crazy people in love can be. love makes you do things that never in a million years you could do- be it bad or good. it makes you lose your head sometimes. i heard somebody say that love is hard and difficult, and it kills you sometimes- but it is wonderful. but i've forgotten how it feels like and it makes me scared that i might never feel that way again. it's weird that i see myself as a romantic and yet i'm loveles. it's like the world is playing a trick with me.
and i am not amused.
have i gotten so used to being alone that i'll never let anybody in again? or haven't i just met the right person yet?maybe i'm destined to be alone and i just have to start accepting that fact. i don't know what to think anymore because it's just been so long since i've met anyone who i could even entertain the possibility of having a relationship with that it's making me think crazy thoughts. i'm not looking for love or anything, you know. i am actually ok with my current non-entity of a love life but it just worries me sometimes that i might never meet that someone that i want to be with forever. i do want to have a husband and kids in the future and for that to happen i should meet the potential husband and father of my children (preferably 2) or even know that person by now, right? or am i?
i should really leave these kind of things up to God because thinking about it just makes my brain more confused and mixed up than it already is.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
hit my play button please!
somewhere in a book i'm reading said that nobody plans to put their life on pause but it happens and it's up to you to push play again. well, it got me into thinking if MY life was on pause. i mean, am i living my life the way i'm supposed to- the way i want to. or am i just drifting through it instead of really LIVING it. how can you tell really if your life is on pause? is there any gauge that you can use to find out? sometimes i feel like my life is on pause. i'm doing things that i'm supposed to be doing but i don't think i'm really living. does that make sense? i feel like my life is just passing me by. how can i get it back? what do i do?! i don't want to be like one of those people who just wake when their 70, wrinkly and old and just come to the realization that they're at the ends of their lives and they have nothing to show for it. i want to experience new things. i want to live life pero feeling ko ang daming limitations right now. i'm not making excuses (at least i don't think so). it's just that right now i feel like i just can't be free still.
*sigh*
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btw, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all your moms!!
to my mom, happy mother's day! i love you! super miss ko na kayo! hope to see you soon! mwah!
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