too late

i woke up this morning to a text message from my mom. my cousin, ate oggie, had passed away yesterday. it jolted me up from my bed. i had no idea that she was that sick already. you see, my ate oggie had been in remission for 6 years already and apparently the cancer came back and this time around it never went away. i felt so guilty because i didn't even know that she was in the hospital. since i came here, a couple of months ago, i had lost contact with my family (except of course for my mom and siblings). the last time that i had seen ate oggie was right before i went back here.

ate oggie was like my nanny when i was much younger. but instead of telling us what NOT to do, siya pa yung nagtuturo sa amin ng mga kalokohan. young as we were kung anu-ano na mga nalalaman ko because of her. sobrang saya whenever she was at the house. i remember me and meann would always beg her to stay at the house. and she would always give in to us. always. kahit na boring daw sa bahay namin kasi ang layo sa sibilisasyon. "sacrifice" niya na daw yung pag-stay sa bahay kasi love niya kami. as i got older her visits got fewer. i guess, i kind of outgrew her already and feeling busy na ako doing my own stuff. but whenever we would visit them in manila, lagi pa din si ate oggie yung ka-"hang out" ko. she always had stories to tell, gossips to share and i was always a captivated listener. when i first found out she had cancer, i couldn't believe it. na-shock ako when i saw her at the hospital. she was a completely different person. but when she went into remission, the ate oggie i knew was back. back with her stories, gossips and kalokohan. so i just thought ok na ulit. and i went on with my life. ngayon ko lang naiisip that i never spent enough time with her. i should have visited her more often. called her up more. i feel so bad that i just slacked off with my relationship with her and now it's too late for me to tell her that she meant so much to me.

bakit kaya ganun noh? we always realize too late all the things that we could have- should have done. it's like we just take for granted people in our lives until they're gone and there's no way for us to bring them back and let them know how much they meant to us.

at this point, i should say that i've learned my lesson and i promise not to take things for granted anymore but the thing is, after a few months (maybe even just weeks), i'll probably forget about it and go back to my old ways. i'll go back to living my life and just come to my senses when another one of my loved one dies. that's bad. i don't want it to happen but it probably would and then all i have would be regrets.

sigh.

P#$%^^&&A!!!!!!!!!!

MY FREAKING CAR GOT TOWED AND NOW I HAVE TO PAY OVER 300 BUCKS TO GET IT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! P@#$^&INA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ido-donate ko na nga lang yung old car ko mato-tow pa!!!!! on the day na kukunin pa ha!!!!! na-late lng ng konti yung donating company kunin yung car ko na-tow na ng homeowner's association!!!! ano ba?????!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the quest for a new car

i just got a new car. it's actually a new used car but still, it's my first real investment. i already had an old car. it was a 1994 saturn and if you know how to count you would know that it's ancient. pero kahit na super old na yung car ko it was still working ok. by ok i mean that it jerked back when i put it on reverse and it made a very weird (and loud) screeching sound every morning when i started it. so obviously it was time for a change. but i thought i could still wait for a couple more months before even thinking of buying a new car but all that changed when i had my car checked out. evidently super messed up ng nung car and it needed so much repairs it would cost me almost 2000 bucks to get it fixed. aba naman! i bought the car for 5oo bucks! it would have been stupid to pay all that money eh pwede na for downplayment yun. so started the crash course on car loans, interest rates, monthly payments and everything related to cars. thank God that i lived with people who worked in a bank. they all helped me out and gave me tips and eveyrthing. i seriosuly wouldn't have known what to do without twinks, tito and tita.

so after getiting a loan i started looking for a car na. i looked at almost every site online for cars. syempr i found a lot of cars but almost none that fit my small budget. it got even harder to find a car when me and tito went to dealerships. i was really aiming for a honda or a toyota but wala tlga kaming makita. i almost got pressured into buying an aveo. buti na lang i held off kasi when i googled it, i found out it was a loser car. so i went home and tried to look online just for the heck of it. and i actually found a car exactly what i was looking for. it was totally God-sent. when i went over to look at it, it was great. it looked like it was new even though it was a 2001 civic. ha! finally the search was over. i found MY car and it totally fit my budget (which was really important).

getting a loan, buying a new car, these things just make me feel even more of an adult now. i mean, i know i'm an adult now. i have responsibilities and duties that i never had when i was still in school. pero all these things just make it even more real, you know? there are times i feel so overwhelmed by all of this but i wouldn't trade it for anything else. hey, this is life, right.