i need to write

i need to write. about what, i'm not exactly sure but i just feel that i have to exercise my brain cells and make it work a little bit because it's getting really rusty. i don't know when was the last time that i used my brain to think. like really think, the way i used to when i was still in school. nowadays, i just feel dumb and getting dumber every minute. that thought just makes me feel sad and frustrated.

in all honesty, i can do something to exercise my brain. i could go back to school, study a different language. do something, anything. just to make me feel smart again (not that i'm really that smart to begin with) but i sabotage myself. i am too lazy. i waste all this time doing nothing. sigh.

even now, my laziness is getting the best of me. i still want to write but i'm losing steam here. sigh.

ok, i'm going to stop my ranting now.

p.s. i can't believe this is my first post after over a year of inactivity in my blog. oh sadness.

happy new year

i was reading my wishlist and just realized that almost everything on that list has come true. 2008 was a great year for me. so many good things happened to me in all aspects of my life. i got to be teacher of the year at work. finally, nakumpleto kaming whole family here after almost 3 years. my best friend, papu, got to visit me. i could go on and on about every good thing that happened to me and still i don't think i would be able to really enumerate all of God's blessings to me kasi sobrang dami. there are any words enough to express how thankful I am for the year that was. again, it was a good year ( i sound like a broekn record pero totoo naman eh! hindi nga lang good eh, great year talaga. okay. enough said about that.).

it was such a great year that when 2009 was approaching i had this nagging fear that this might be it. this might be the best year i'm ever going to have and then wala na. downhill na after 2008. i can't explain it. this thought just bothered me and i would tell my friends about it and they would just laugh kasi nga it seemed stupid naman talaga. i kept seeing things happening to me as signs of more bad things to come (i.e. getting my first ever speeding ticket). but eventually i realized how silly i was being. i realized that being so pessimistic about the future was like having no faith in God. it's like i was saying that He will just make me suffer the rest of my life after 2008. which I refuse to believe. i don't think that God would want me or anyone for that matter to suffer or be miserable for their entire existence. no way. i think it's more about choice. and i choose to be optimistic in the future (which, is already the present since it is 2009 already).

come to think of it as much as last year was great, life was not perfect. i had to deal with issues here and there but i chose to be positive and i chose to place my trust in Him- that He will help me through everything and He did. i know my life will never be perfect ( and really, is there anyone who leads a perfect life? kung meron, iharap niyo sa akin, hampasin ko para magising) but i chose to believe that God still has a lot of good things in store for me and His blessings will not stop just because it's a new year.

and i hope you all believe in that too.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

;)

melancholy

i was watching a pinoy movie kanina and they just showed scenes of EDSA and for some reason my eyes just started to sting and i felt like crying. i guess it brought back memories of my life back in the philippines. never mind that for 4 years sawang-sawa ako sa EDSA (given that i commuted everyday from LP to UP Diliman) and all i wanted was to never commute ever again. kanina, i just wanted so much to go back home. i suddenly missed the philippines so much. sigh. the christmas season is getting to me. for me, nothing still beats being home for christmas.

enchanted by enchanted

" i've been dreaming of a true love's kiss....and a prince i'm hoping comes with this....."

i just finished watching the movie "Enchanted" and as i said on the title, i am so enchanted with this movie!!! what's not to like? nandun na si mcdreamy, nandun pa si cyclops! they are both so good-looking ang sarap i-pause ng dvd just to stare at them both. it helps pa that james marsden knows how to sing!! sigh! kaka-in love! pero the real clincher for me is amy adams. i love her!! winner ang acting niya as a fairy-tale princess! gayang-gaya! i especially love her hand gestures and high, sing-songy voice!! and when she popped her head out of the window and sang to call out animal helpers, laugh trip!! favorite part was when mcdeamy and giselle were dancing and mcdreamy was singing to her. sigh. hindi na ako makahinga sa sobrang kakiligan!

this movie reminded me of being a kid. i've always been a fan of the disney princesses and my favorite princess is cinderella. i think kaya ako hopeless romantic ngayon is because of watching all those fairytale cartoons when i was young (actually up to now, i still watch them. i can't help it!). sobrang fascinated ako with princesses meeting their princes and falling in love and living happily ever after. that's the part that really got to me, that you could live happily ever after. it just sounded so ideal. that you could meet and fall in love with just one person and that would be it. done deal na. what a reality check when i grew up and experienced for myself that true love doesn't mean happiness and it certainly doesn't mean ever after. but that hasn't disillusioned me. i am after all a hopeless romantic. i still dream that there is one person out there for me. i know i must sound so silly but it's true. i can't help it. that's just the way i am, i guess.

watching "Enchanted" just made me believe more that somewhere out there, i have my own prince. =)

nothing

i don't really know what to write about kaya lang my blog has been so dormant for over a month i just like i needed to "revive" it.

hmmmm. so. what can i write about? hmm. man, i seem so boring now. wala ako maisip to blog about it eh. i guess i just haven't been in the mood to write.

oh well. at least i tried.

p.s. just to illustrate how dormant my blog has been, i actually forgot what my sitename was! i had to look for my blog link in papu's blog to remember! kawawa naman. tsk.

sad

i feel sad. i don't know why but i do. which is weird kasi i just came from a retreat and retreats are supposed to make you feel better right? i was happy yesterday, i'm just not happy anymore. feeling this way sucks. kasi i can't realy explain why i'm feeling this way. i just do. i remember tuloy what mikko said last night as we were going home from the retreat, " i don't remember the last time that i thought to myself that i was happy."

me too.

i don't remember the last time that at the end of the day naisip ko, "i'm happy."

everything in my life is going good right now. God has given me so much blessings that i have no reason to complain. and i'm not complaining. i love my job. i have great friends. i'm about to be part of a community again. things are definitely good right now. but for some unexplainable reason, i just feel sad. does that make sense?

sigh.

i need to pray on this.

heath ledger is dead

aside from watching his movies, i don't know him at all. as in. wish ko lang sana that i know him, even remotely. but this is reality and sadly, i don't. so i can't really explain why i feel so....sad that heath ledger is dead.

heath ledger is dead. he's dead. no matter how many times i say it, it just doesn't make it seem more real (feeling ko talaga kakilala ko siya). it's just so surreal that he's dead (pang-ilang beses ko na nasabi that he's dead?). i think kasi we live in the same time zone so while he was still alive at noon today, i was pleading with my kids to wash their hands for lunch. hindi ba surreal yun? tapos when he was found dead, i was reading a story to my kids. grabe. it's disturbing. to me at least it is. maybe because he could have been so much more. tapos now, he's dead. yun na yun. sayang. another life wasted. tapos he has a daughter pa. kawawa naman yung kid niya. no more dad. i can't get over it. heath ledger is dead. he just wanted to go to sleep and he ends up dead. that's sad.

it feels like when rico yan died years ago. you know?! kasi unexpected eh. pasensiya na sa comparison ko of rico and heath. i know malayo sila pero you get it, don't you? just them dying young. like james dean or john lennon or kurt cobain. okay, maybe not john lennon. totally different level yun. si john lennon siya eh. basta, all these talented people dying young. it's just such a shame.

i probably sound shallow. i mean, i don't know the guy. pero man, just think, if i feel this way about his death, how about the people who actually know him- his friends, his family. they must be pretty torn up about it.

sigh. things like this really remind you how short life really is.

how about that? all this because heath ledger is dead.

nope. it still doesn't sound real to me.