one lazy sunday

the weather was so overcast and gray today that i had no choice but to just bum around the house. lalo na pa when it started raining. ahhh, such a perfect day to do---absolutely nothing. today's weather was just so conducive to being lazy that even though i had some important things to do today i just couldn't find the willpower to go out of the house. except when i went to the church to hear mass, hindi na ako lumabas ng bahay. i just cuddled on the couch and read a book and sleep. para akong lola but who cares?! masarap kaya magbasa when it's raining outside. i don't know what it is with the rainy weather that just makes people so lethargic. or maybe i'm just making excuses for myself dahil tamad lang talaga ako. hehe. but it was nice to just hang out at the house and not to have to worry about being late to work and all that stuff. there's going to be more than enough time for me to think about all my worries and problems tomorrow.

my mind is always preoccupied with things to do, problems to be resolved and worries that never seem to run out that sometimes i just want to scream. kaya i thank god for days like this when i am given a timeout to just not think at all. to not worry about my financial situation, my family's condition sa pinas, my job and my boss from hell, my......life. of how i seem to be living but not really LIVING at all. i mean, i have a job and i earn moeny and i am able to help out my family now but i still feel as lost and aimless as i did when i was younger. the sad thing is, i am NOT young naymore and that by this time i should have some kind of idea of how i want my life to be. but no. hoenstly, i might say that i want to go back to school and earn my masters and all that shit but after other than that i haven't a clue as to what to do with my life. maybe i'm jujst overthinking things. who was even the person who perpetuated the idea that you should have a plan for your life. why can't you just live your life one day at a time? take things as they come? just...live for the sake of living. but come to think of it, there are people out there who live just like that. with no worries about what's going to happen to them tomorrow. who just take everything in a stride. maybe the thing is, i am not one of them. i just can't be so out of control of my life and leave everything to god or to chance or to fate or to whoever decides these kind of things. maybe that's my probelm. hay ewan! sometimes my thoughts just get so tangled up in my head i don't make sense, even to myself so am stopping now with my aimless thoughts and ramblings.

for now, i am simply going to content myself to doing nothing and enjoying every last minute of it.